Remembering My Why

After completing my loop around Lake Superior, I made my way to Colorado, stopping briefly along the route to catch up with family and friends. My first night back was spent at Chatfield State Park, just outside of Denver.

I have very complicated feelings about Denver. On paper, I love it: the proximity to the mountains, the craft beer scene, the political landscape, the culture. But the reality is that I always struggled to make friends there. I lived in Denver longer than anywhere else in my adult life outside of Iowa City, yet I constantly fought to find an ongoing sense of community. It’s strange to realize that I felt more at home living in Manila than I ever did in Denver.

There were, however, a couple of places where I did find that elusive sense of connection—and not surprisingly, both revolved around breweries. One of those groups was the reason I made the trip back to the state.

Beer, Running, and the "Brew Crew"

The Colorado Brewery Running Series (CBRS) hosts 5Ks (and longer events) that start and end at a brewery almost every weekend of the year. I first ran with their Illinois chapter when I lived in Chicago, so when I moved to Denver, joining their "Brew Crew" was a no-brainer.

Running the Cabin Creek Fall 5k in 2024

During the COVID lockdowns, I completed all of their virtual races, slowly stacking my closet full of CBRS swag. Last year, I applied to become an ambassador. In exchange for volunteering at six events, I got free entry into races and 40% off their merch. (And let me tell you, their gear is top-tier—if you see me wearing a Colorado hat or hoodie in a photo, it almost certainly came from them).

Baxter gets to “run” 5ks in a stroller

When I lived in the Philippines, making friends at running or biking events came easily. Back in the US, it’s been a lot harder—partly because I don’t stand out like I did in the Philippines, and partly because most people show up to these events already grouped up.

Becoming an ambassador changed that. Volunteering alongside people who share your same interests (running and beer) gives you the time and space to actually talk and form real bonds.

Volunteering with them last year got me through some dark times. The organizers kept asking why I kept signing up for events even after meeting my ambassador quota. The truth was simple: those events gave me something to look forward to when I didn't have much else.

Community on the Road

So this year, I made it a point to come back for a few of my favorite events. In May, I worked the Denver Beer Company 50K—a race connecting all of their brewery locations across the city. This month, I volunteered at the Snowmass 1876, celebrating Colorado’s sesquicentennial. (Yes, I spelled that right on the first try!) Participants could run a 10k, a 5k, or a first-of-its-kind 3.76k or all three to commemorate the year Colorado became a state.

The start of the 3.76k was a brutal uphill

Working this event gave me that deep sense of community I'd been looking for—and that I’ve been sorely lacking on the road.

The loneliness is, without a doubt, the hardest part of this journey. Moving constantly means I’m never in one place long enough to establish real connections. Lately, it’s gotten to the point where I’ve started asking myself if it's even worth it.

When I first set out, a temporary therapist told me to "hold onto my why," which she assumed was visiting all the National Parks. But my why has always been about finding myself. And driving from place to place every single day doesn't feel like finding myself—it feels like running away.

Hitting the Pause Button

So, I’ve decided to take a break.

I canceled my upcoming plans in the Dakotas for the next couple of weeks. Instead, I booked a week at a campground just outside a town that’s on my shortlist of places I might actually want to settle down when this chapter ends. I need to slow down, breathe, and reflect on what I’ve accomplished this year—and what I actually want out of what comes next.

My home for the week

I’ve got some pretty big travel plans lined up for my 50th birthday in September, but until then, I’m taking a deliberate mental health break.

I might use this downtime to share a few favorite stories from my past—like the time I stumbled upon a grizzly in the Glacier National Park backcountry. Or I might just rest. For now, I’m taking it slow, taking it day by day, and seeing where my head lands.